Lost on the trail
by Becs
Summary: Just a little fun. Lance and Pietro annoy the hell out of Scott so it's gotta be good!


Disclaimer: Brotherhood aren't mine. Neither is X-Men. So what else is new? I own chants!

"We're lost!" Pietro cried, "lostlostlostlostlost! L-O-S-T; LOST!"

"Shut up!" Lance snapped, "you're making me feel nervous!"

"Well you should cause we're lost!" Pietro wailed, "I'm a city boy born and bred! God help me I can't survive in the wilderness!"

"And I can't survive with a Pietro!" Lance shouted, "now get a grip!"

"I'm going to become skin and bones!" Pietro moaned, "I'm going to starve! Lance, can you see the black circles under my eyes?"

"I said get a grip!" Lance smacked Pietro across the face.

"Owww!" Pietro pouted, "that hurt!" He slapped Lance back.

"Ouch!" Lance returned Pietro's slap. Within minutes the two boys were smacking each other as fast as they could, which, unfortunately for Lance, meant Pietro was using his super-speed.

"Are you two finished?" The two boys looked up to see Scott glaring at them. "Instructor says if you don't hurry up you'll have dishes duty."

"Damn," Pietro said getting up, "I wanted to be lost. Anything's better than tramping through this forest for the rest of the day. I hate summer camp."

"You mean you lost us on purpose!" Lance yelled, "I was having a heart attack you moron! Do you know how many bears live in this park? We could have been mauled!"

"I'm too fast to get mauled," Pietro said in a smug voice.

"Idiot," Lance snapped.

"Wanker," Pietro shot back.

"Player."

"Retard."

"Man-whore."

"At least I get some!"

"Only if you pay her!"

"Uhh, guys?" Scott said.

"WHAT!?!" The two teens turned on Scott.

"We have to get back to the group."

"Oh piss off Summers," Pietro snapped, "I don't need this shit."

"Well I'd rather take his shit than yours!" Lance said, "at least I'll get a bear free bed tonight you dumbass!"

"Lance siding with Summers!" Pietro cried, "what is the world coming to?" Never the less Pietro followed Lance and Scott back onto the path, but not without muttering, "X-Geek lover," under his breath.

"Screw up," Lance shot back.

"Jerk."

"Daddy's boy."

"He-bitch."

"Will you two shut up!" Scott yelled.

"Prep King," Pietro said.

"Teacher's pet," Lance joined in.

"You guys are very immature," Scott snapped.

"Ohh," Pietro grinned, "somebody's been hanging around Jean too long!"

"Yeah, you're a regular Jean clone," Lance said, "only male."

"Leave Jean out of this!"

"Sensitive subject huh? Don't worry, Pietro can make it alllllllll better." Pietro grinned evilly, "now repeat after me, 'oh bloody fuckin' hell. Screw off bitch! Fuck it! Don't give me that shit you second hand slut!' " Scott looked at Pietro astonished.

"I think you went too far with the second hand slut thing," Lance mused, "otherwise you might actually have got him to say it."

"Pity," Pietro sighed.

"I would never say that!" Scott objected, "how can you even think up these things? It's disgusting!"

"Hey, we ain't all had your sheltered life Summers!" Pietro snarled, "it ain't been all wine and roses for me! I had to learn to deal with the assholes life throws at you, and believe me, I've seen a lot!"

"I'm sorry," Scott said.

"Yeah, well just remember it next time before you shoot your mouth off." 

There was silence as the three teens wandered along the path. Pietro had lapsed into a sullen silence, the conversation having bought up memories he'd rather have forgotten.

"Something you want to tell me Pietro?" Lance asked quietly.

"No!" Pietro turned his startling blue eyes to Lance quickly.

"Just asking!" Lance held his hands up, "airhead."

"Pietro looked up at him, eyes bright, "asshole."

"Dip shit."

"Dominic."

"Hey! Don't use my middle name as an insult!"

"I can if I want to!"

"No you can't!"

"Can too!"

"Cannot!"

"Yes. I. Can."

"No. You. Can't."

"Shut up!" Scott roared.

"Sorry mom," Pietro said, trying to be serious.

"I'm sorry too," Lance added.

"The things I do," Scott muttered.

"For love," Pietro added quietly. Lance snickered which was met by a hard glare from Scott. The group lapsed into silence again. "I hate school summer camp!" Pietro chanted like a Drill Sergeant.

"I hate school summer camp!" Lance echoed.

"Specially an all day forest tramp!"

"Specially an all day forest tramp!"

"I need side walks! I need cars!"

"I need sidewalks! I need cars!" 

"Concrete walls and metal bars!"

"Concrete walls and metal bars!"

"Sound off!"

"Lance rocks!"

"Sound off!"

"Shut up!"

"Sound off!"

"Summers sucks!"

"Sound off!"

"That's enough!" Scott turned and glared at the two Brotherhood members, "there are only three of us! You don't need to sound off anymore! Now stay quiet or I'll duct tape your mouths shut!"

"He's bluffing," Pietro said, "he's not the kind of guy to carry duct tape around. Unless he's into bondage. Now wouldn't that be a surprise?"

"Don't try me," Scott growled.

"Ohh, a dirty secret," Lance grinned.

"Must you turn everything I say against me?" Scott wailed.

"Oh that's a hard one," Pietro said.

"Yes. Yes we must, "Lance answered the frustrated teen's question.

"Oh tank god!" Scott cried, "our group!"

"How do you know it's not bears dressed up as our group, pretending to be them so we walk right into their paws?" Pietro asked.

"What kind of fucking stupid idea is that!?!" Scott yelled in exasperation.

"Ha!" Pietro shouted, "there! Right there! I told ya he could swear!"

"Hell has frozen over!" Lance called out.

"Please kill me," Scott sobbed on the startled Instructor's shirt, "I don't care how! Just do it so I never have to spend one minute alone with those two ever again!"

-ha ha weeeeeee! That was fun! 


End file.
